Introduction


My name is Amy, and I have depression.  For a very long time now, I have had this extreme urge to write a story or a book about my life. I have had all of the thoughts in my head, but no real inspiration to write them all down. Until now.

I have been using a social network called Twitter, and in the process of meeting people, I have found that there are many other people who have depression or other mental disorders.  I believe that in writing my story, I may be able to reach out to others and at the same time, help myself.  Writing is a therapeutic exercise for me, and I honestly believe that if I share my personal journey of growth and understanding, it might help someone else.

You see, I may be all together now and seem like I know a lot of answers, but it hasn’t always been that way. I haven’t always been so compassionate and understanding toward other people. From the time I was 16 years old, until my late early 30‘s, I made many mistakes, and I believed on several occasions that my life had no meaning, and that the people around me would probably be better off, if I just weren’t around anymore.

It’s a horrible feeling. It’s a lonely feeling. I cried a lot, and I acted out a lot. I felt as if no one understood me, and rather than trying to express myself in healthy ways, I rebelled. In the following chapters, you will see how horrible I became. It’s not something I am proud of, but it IS something that I can use today to help others. If it weren’t for our past, then where would we be today?

I am now a healthy woman, happily married with two beautiful children. I have been a special education teacher for students with behavioral disorders, a psychiatric technician on a mental health floor in a hospital, a program coordinator for a juvenile program, and a social worker in a nursing home. I have depression, but it is under control.  My goal in writing my experiences, is I want people to understand that just because times seem to be tough right now, it DOES get better. If I didn’t think that life could get better 20-30 years ago, I wouldn’t be here today. Back then, I believed the world would be better off without me in it.

That particular thought, is not true. It never has been, and is not true for you either. As you read my story, there are 10 questions I want you to think about. At the end of the story, I want you to answer them in your own way, and somehow, get back to me. Your answers do not have to be public. I will leave my email at the end of this story so you can tell me what you think. There is one rule, however. You CAN NOT tell me that you don’t know the answers, or that you don’t care. If you are saying those things, then you are not thinking hard enough. The questions I want you to really focus on, are….

1. What am I doing to myself and to others?
2. Why do I keep blaming others for my problems?
3. How can I change my life for the better?
4. Where do I see myself in 10 years? 20 years?
5. What do I want to accomplish with my life?
6. What are the steps I need to take to get there?
7. Who have I asked for help, or who do I need to ask for help?
8. Why have I been building these walls around me?
9. How do I start breaking down those walls, and letting others in?
10. What am I afraid of?

Please continue on.  This will be a very honest and emotional story.  One of which I hope you read with an open mind, and perhaps realize that you are not alone.